The Poker Junkie Blog

Fashion Nightmares on the Poker Circuit

The World Series of Poker is the antithesis of fashion. It’s like a convention of bad taste. Alongside the old-timers who have worn the same clothes since 1986, you have online poker wizards who haven’t been away from the computer in ten years.  We have listed the top-ten fashion mistakes in the world of poker. Yes, we still respect you as players, but please put something decent on!

The eminent fashion blogger Élan from Fashion Houston has helped us rate and comment the fashion crimes on the poker circuit. With a long experience from the catwalk, she holds the fashion axe in a firm grip and is not afraid to slay the ones without style.

10. Justin Phillips

Playing poker dressed in a wife beater is just unstylish. From this photo we can’t even tell whether or not Justin Phillips has any pants on. But this fashion crime might have provided some sort of poker mojo. We all remember the bad bet from WSOP 2008 , but at the time he was dressed in white, which is even more appalling.

Élan s(l)ays: Even people with properly squared shoulders and male supermodels should stay away from wife-beaters. They are unflattering and make people look busty. Not appealing on a man. And is he inside?

What’s up with the sunglasses? I’d say, put them in your pocket, but I’m sure you’re wearing sweat pants, maybe work out shorts. What does this outfit say about you? Don’t you take your money seriously?

9. Sam Farha

If you stare long enough at Sammy Farha’s shirt, you won’t have to stock up on acid for a couple of weeks. Perhaps there are sublime messages hidden in the pattern making opponents fold to Farha’s bluffs. If he had this nasty shirt on in 2003, Moneymaker would never have won the Main Event.

Élan s(l)ays: First of all, where the hell are his chips? They just blend into his top. I understand the idea of wanting to stand out, but it’s important to do it tastefully. Let’s make one thing clear: The fact that multiple people are wearing their sunglasses indoors means they are that less cool. If everybody’s doing it, you are no longer unique. And, anyway, trust me, people are probably calling you a tool behind your back. That being said, a watch is a classic men’s accessory; however, completely unnecessary with so much going on in that shirt.

8. Marcel Luske

The biggest problem with Marcel Luske is that he thinks he is dressed smartly when he in fact looks like a drunk participant of a Las Vegas convention for business accountants. Look at me! I wear my glasses upside down! I know how to party!

Élan s(l)ays: As much as I want to commend him for trying to look professional, we have huge issues here with fit and color. The jacket is too big, how high is that waist, and I don’t think I could mute him out any more if I tried.  You can dress classic, stick to basics, even neutral colors and still look alive! And, seriously man, what, you just needed to shade your eyebrows from the overhead lights? Nobody is buying that.

7. Phil Hellmuth

Sweet mother of Jesus, what are you wearing Phil? I know this gladiator outfit was part of some commercial stunt but that DOES NOT make it any better. Even though you might think you are the poker emperor, most of us don’t. At the 2009 WSOP, Phil managed to make a fool out of himself before even hitting the rails. Classic!

Élan s(l)ays: I don’t ever want to see near-translucent upper man thigh. Put on pants. I’m not sure I can comment on this costume. Is he in a show later? Tell me he’s in Vegas.

6. Johnny Chan

Has a rainbow thrown up in Johnny Chan’s closet? This is just one of many crimes against fashion “the Oriental Express” has committed throughout the years, and I could take almost any photo of him to prove that he deserves a place on this list.

Élan s(l)ays: What teeny-bopper girl’s closet did he raid? Did Gwen Stefani’s Harajuku Girls style this? Where’s the Hello Kitty bag? Honestly, animal prints and orange-mustard colors are in for Fall, but only when it comes to womenswear. I imagine you want to dress comfortably when sitting at a table for hours, but I can not imagine that top being conducive for playing while it’s restricting your circulation.

5. David “Devilfish” Ulliot

Half my face is paralyzed, do you think anyone will notice if I do a comb over and buy some groovy clothes?

Élan s(l)ays: Showers are imperative. Why wear sunglasses when you are not even using them? There is an age limit for the crazy tshirts and layering necklaces combo. I’m very sorry.

4. Kathy Liebert

Have you come to empty the bins? No! Aren’t you the garbage man? No, I’m Kathy Liebert, the poker player. Are you sure?

Élan s(l)ays: I may not know much about poker, but I’m pretty sure professional poker players should not look like compulsive gamblers who are incessantly down on their luck. Be proud to be a woman in a male dominated sport! You don’t have to hide in menswear! Kathy’s hair seems to be healthy, rich in color, and have great texture, show it off!

3. Scotty Nguyen

How do you dress up for a poker game according to Scotty Nguyen. Take your three most hideous amulets, put your hair behind your ears, and smuggle in two frozen peas. If you combine that with binge drinking you might even win a bracelet to wear at the next WSOP.

Élan s(l)ays: The fact that I totally thought you were a woman and wrote the entire following paragraph before realizing that I was actually talking about a man should speak volumes: The one thing a lot of middle aged women are lacking? Bras. Whoever said smaller breasts didn’t need one, was a liar or a perv. If you own a set, or even just one, you need to strap into a bra, for both support and coverage.

Let’s get a top that fits! Maybe a chic black v-neck with only the highest two necklaces (the disc and the green). I would suggest seeing a hair stylist. The grease look does not fly. I understand the difficulties of curly hair, however there is a way to de-frizz without weighing hair down or slicking it back.

2. Andy Black

Sometimes your sponsor tells you what to wear, but for god’s sake, can’t you say no? This Full Tilt shirt looks like something bought at the Lollapalooza festival ten years back. First we have the 90s-syled sun on the sleeve and then there’s even some alcopop sick left on the chest. Go all in Andy so that you won’t miss the Red Hot Chilli Peppers gig.

Élan s(l)ays: Didn’t we see you on the neighborhood predator watch list? Full Tilt has to have a men’s shirt for you. Did they tell you they were selling you a plus-size ladies cool weather work out top from Flashdance? Seeing your shoulder peek out of that neckline is not sexy. If you have to wear sponsor’s garb, at least pair it with something fitted, like a sports jacket, that makes you look like a put together man.

1. Gavin Smith

Gavin, the 70s gay scene called and wanted their shirt back … or wait a minute … they said you can keep it. Wearing that – what should we call it? – was a mistake in the first place.

Élan s(l)ays: Now I get why everyone wears their sunglasses inside. Your shirt is seriously so bright my eyes bleed. And the pattern looks like scales. Shimmery scales. A note about crazy shirts: they don’t all read “laid-back, confident, I-don’t-care-what-I’m-wearing-I’m-so-cool,” mostly they just scream “insecure!”

//Your fashion gurus  I-PokerJunkie-I and Élan