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The Origins of Poker: Myths and Facts (Part II)

18 May 2010 , By: foldsworth
strongman 2
You have probably been waiting for the follow-up on my revolutionary study aimed at shedding light on the mysteries surrounding poker’s early days. Today I proudly present to you the second part in this very long, multi-part essay. Part I of The Origins of Poker[[sitetree_link,id=1645]] left off after the sacking of Babylon. A tribe of traveling hippies on a pilgrimage to central Asia in honor of Ma Gu, the goddess of Hemp, saved the knowledge of Poker from being lost forever.

Putting Your Opponents on a Range

2 21 April 2010 , By: foldsworth
seraphin goggles
Today, all poker experts seem to agree as to the immense value of putting your opponent on a range. What is less clear is what this range might consist of, how to find this elusive range and of course, what to do with this information once obtained. The good news is I’m working on it. I have started construction of a device that harnesses the awesome power of the Internet to determine all kinds of ranges.

Poker Bot Crackdown in Macau

15 April 2010 , By: foldsworth
Law enforcement officials are finally starting to up their efforts on combating the growing poker bot problem. Yesterday they arrested a poker bot that appeared to be of Japanese make in downtown Macau. It will be summarily executed, Chinese-style, which is a good thing in my opinion. It sends a clear message that we cannot allow these wicked automatons to take over our live poker tournaments and our bankrolls.

The Origins of Poker: Myths and Facts (Part I)

3 13 April 2010 , By: foldsworth
Today most scholars I know agree that the game of Poker (as we know it today) was a gift from Squanto to the pilgrims of the Mayflower, but who gave poker to Squanto? You may be surprised to learn that the answer involves Möngke Kahn, Nostradamus and yes, Ma Gu, the Taoist Goddess of Hemp. In this multi-part, exceedingly long essay I intend to dispel some of the common myths regarding the much-disputed origins of poker and focus on hard facts. It will take you on a long and tedious (but no doubt important) journey through a timeline spanning thousands of years of poker history minutiae. But let’s start from the very beginning.

Least Likely 2010 WSOP Main Event Winner

1 24 March 2010 , By: foldsworth
french antarctic
As you may already know, PJ's science team has figured out who the next WSOP Main Event winner is going to be. Our crack team has used a cutting-edge poker seismograph along with previously unheard-of statistical methods to calculate where the next winner is located and even come up with a name€“ Ron Amos. It's amazing what modern science is capable of! Based on the geographical location of previous Main Event winners, our crack team deduced that the most likely winner currently resides in a garage in the small town of Quincy. Since Amos apparently doesn'€™t live in a garage, some supplementary calibration of the poker seismograph was needed, but now it appears to work perfectly.
Categories: 2010 WSOP, Arachnids, Ron Amos

Poker Bots: Giving Them a Taste of Their Own Medicine

2 18 March 2010 , By: foldsworth
Poker Bot
At first they were only spotted sporadically in the shadier corners of Macau, but lately they have become common even in Las Vegas. I’m talking, of course, about poker bots – mechanical monsters who roam casinos around the world disguised as ordinary poker players. They can read minds, calculate exact odds and thrive on pain and bad beats. Early poker bots were fairly easy to spot – you could identify them by looking for extra legs and antennas protruding from their armpits.
Categories: Gus Hansen

Field Testing the Chutzpah Monitor

1 9 March 2010 , By: foldsworth
chutzpa hat
Although it hasn’t been manufactured on a commercial scale as of yet, you may have heard of it through the grapevine; the revolutionary device called the Chutzpah Monitor. It is a device similar to a gaydar that measures the subject’s alpha brainwaves to determine his exact amount of chutzpah at any given moment. We know that the average amount of chutzpah has increased dramatically among poker players (and perhaps society at large) during the last few years, but attempts at gauging a reasonably accurate amount in individuals have not been successful. However, I have now put together a device that uses very specific electroencephalography that measures neural electron migrations at a molecular level and translates it into an accurate chutzpah reading.

Some Thoughts on Your Mom

2 March 2010 , By: foldsworth
Your Mom Your mom is so ugly; when she joined an ugly contest they said "Sorry, no professionals. " Your mom is so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs. Your mom is like a race car driver, she burns 20 rubbers a day. Your Mom + Unattractive Your Mom + Obese Your Mom + Promiscuous your-mom.

Verschränkung! Schrödinger's Hole Cards

24 February 2010 , By: foldsworth
scrod cat
How does quantum mechanics and a half-dead cat relate to your ability to read your opponents' hole cards? Maybe a lot less than you think. The Austrian physicist Erwin Schröder's famous experiment of placing a cat in a box with a Geiger counter, a radioactive substance and a flask of hydrocyanic acid is interesting in itself: After a while, the radioactive substance might and might not (both are equally likely) have released a subatomic particle that set of the Geiger counter, which in turn would have released the poison and killed the cat. According to one interpretation of quantum mechanics, the cat would then be simultaneously alive and dead. (Obviously no peeking is allowed.

Many-Worlds Theory and Poker

22 February 2010 , By: foldsworth
stu wpolo serb
Out of all the possible worlds out there in the multiverse, is it possible that somewhere, Stu Ungar is still alive and not playing poker but water polo? It is definitely worth contemplating. However, I must admit that after thinking about this conundrum for a few hours more questions have been raised than I initially started out with. Ungar was originally a gin rummy player, which has to be taken into the equation. If (and this is really a big if!) Stu were to play water polo instead of poker, what type of game would substitute for gin rummy? Some differential equations that I hastily put together point to nude mountain biking, but the uncertainties are substantial.
Categories: Stu Ungar
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