Santa Claus is a Poker Junkie
You may not know that Santa is an ardent gambler, but if you think back at your Christmas gifts and how randomly they used to match your wish list, well... Let's just hear what the severely unshaved man has to say.
Santa, do you see yourself as a poker junkie?
Well, it's really up to others to judge. But I sure hope so. Shuffle up and deal!
What's the longest poker session you've played?
Must have been a 13 months session a few years ago with Rudolph, my elves and Doyle Brunson. I call!
Thirteen months? But, then, how did you manage Christmas?!
Err, next question please.
How much have you won and lost in one session?
I've lost more bankrolls than there are losers in the Main Event, you dig? But surely I'm going to win one of those days. One of those days, you hear? Call!
Do you quit if you're losing?
Quit, what are you talking about? I raise!
When was the last time you had a week without playing poker?
Without playing, what are you talking about? Raise!
How many of your friends are not poker players?
A friend who doesn't play poker, what a bad beat! No, they both play. Next card!
Do you use a lot of poker terms when not talking about poker?
I never use poker lingo, it makes me tilt. It's such negative EV. Raise!
Have you ever chosen poker over a partner?
Well, yes. I have met women who liked me, but somehow I preferred poker. Both times. All in!
Do you sometimes change your plans if you're in a good game?
That's a hypothetical question, I've never seen a good game in my life. But if I did, I sure would change some plans, yes sir. Call!
What's the most expensive thing you've destroyed after a bad beat?
Well, what can I say. You wouldn't remember that old reindeer with the red nose what's his name again? I'm afraid he's not his own (s)elf anymore. I fold.
Are you into crazy side bets?
No, no, no. I mean, I can gamble it up, for sure. And I love to play against the odds. Usually I bet all I have and then some, but - crazy? No, not really. Bring on the last card!
Who do you think is the biggest poker junkie in the world?
My brother, Bobby Claus. He's six feet 18.