Reasons why Chuck norris OWNS you

[jedmitchell]

1) When Chuck norris jumps into a body of water, he doesnt get wet - the water gets chuck.


2) Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

3) Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

4) Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.


5) Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.


6) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

7) If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef

8) Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.


9) Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."


10) Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

11) Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result

12) Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

13) Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.

14) Mr. T once defeated Chuck Norris in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Chuck Norris invented racism.

15) The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.

16) The most honourable death a man can endure is taking a bullet for chuck norris. This amuses Chuck as he is bullet proof.


17) The Jihadists are pissed because they can no longer tell their recruits to expect 73 virgins in heaven. The best they can do now is 73 women who have already had sex with Chuck Norris.

18) The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

19) Vin Diesel can be re-arranged to say, "I end lives". Screw that; Chuck Norris can be re-arranged to say "Chuck Norris", Which means the same thing.


20) Pray that Chuck Norris never decides to look directly at the sun. It's a stare down contest and the sun will lose, casting a perpetual night upon us all.

[xk9x]

I have heard about half of these before, but man, when I read 19, I was cracking up - lmao.

[hess]

11 was good. And I like your signature.

[kasfinally]

wow thats wierd, i was just talking about these jokes yesturday and how they had faded away and how funny they where. now its on the forum..havin a come back they are

[jedmitchell]

lol - just picked them up at my friends blog and was in stitches, thot id spread the love lol.

[wigga88]

I heard soenm of these before, but 11 was hillarious!

[ryan1984]

The funniest is on Conan O'Brien, when ha has the Walker Texas Ranger leaver. Has anyone else ever seen it? It's super funny!