A few bits of poker humor to kick off your week from my past travels:
A young kid sits down to a $65 satellite in Tunica, MS and proceeds to tell everyone at our end of the table how he grew up playing poker in cash games with Amarillo Slim. He then proceeds to bust out 2nd in the satellites and the people at the table say:
"He sure was full of himself. Who is Amarillo Slim? Isn't that a brand of cigarette?"
In a Omaha Hi-Lo tournament at the Bike in L.A., Max Shapiro walks over to his wife Barbara Enright who was at my table. He is acting like he has something for her to check out. He his holding his hand near his waist when she turns around as he says:
"I've got nut low." He then walks away as we all get a good laugh. (That's part of their dynamic folks. Trust me.)
John Bonetti was a player that could be as brash as he was charming. The first and sadly only time that I got to play with John at my table, for some reason he took a shine to me. To give example to this point, during one break he started point people out at the table to me just as the following:
"That guy is a son of a bitch. That guy is a good player, but he is a son of a bitch too. I don't fucking like her too much either. THAT guy shouldn't even be fucking playing poker, but he is a good guy when he isn't being an asshole. That guy is a son of a bitch, and that guy is too. So do you play poker online? Ya? My friend, Phil Hellmuth has this site you see. Ultimatebet. He's a good kid. Here a card for it. You need anything at all while you here, you come see me. "
John reminded me of my grandfather. The only difference is that if my grandfather liked you, he called you the N word. John preferred son of a bitch, or at least that day.
One of my favorite stories comes from the very first satellite that I ever played. I was new to live poker and was half-assed paying attention. Several times when the big blind came to me, I didn't notice, and the dealer would look at me and go "you're big." Physically, I am a big guy and there is no denying that. However, one woman at the table totally misunderstood the dealer's intention and after about the 3rd time that the dealer told me "you're big", the woman said the follow:
"Young lady, I think that it is HIGHLY inappropriate for you to be sitting there commenting on that gentleman's size. You should just shut up and deal the cards."
Both the dealer and I look at her with a confused look on our faces. The person next to the woman leans over and tells her, "She is telling him that his is the big blind." This is followed by the woman profusely apologizing and all of us getting a good laugh. I appreciated her taking up for me though.